Practical Stress Reduction--From Worrier to Warrior
Winter 2024 Issue
By Kathy Gruver, PhD
Stress. We all know it. We’ve all felt it, especially these days. BUT, what can we really do to help ourselves during times of stress? By the end of this article, you’ll have a few practical tools and perhaps a new view of how stress really acts in our lives.
First off, what is stress? Stress is a perception that demands are going to exceed our resources. It’s the fear that we aren’t going to be able to handle what is coming. It may be a threat, real or imagined. Now, when we’re walking down a dark street and someone jumps out at us, that is likely a real threat and we should absolutely heed that fight-or-flight response. But we’ve all had a situation where we’ve freaked out about a snake just to find it was a garden hose.
The fight-or-flight response is incredibly helpful in ensuring our survival. But today so much of our stress is that perception of danger. The boss says, “I want to see you first thing Monday morning.” Ack! There goes your weekend and you make up stories as to what she wants. Am I in trouble? Am I getting fired? Did she find out I’ve been taking post-it notes and pens home?
Sure, this situation may lead to something negative, we don’t know, but is it fight-or-flight worthy? Not really. When you find yourself having a strong reaction to something, ask yourself if it’s fight-or-flight worthy? Often not. It’s about training ourselves to recognize our reactions, responses, and behavior and making conscious choices and efforts to make changes.
Now, right now, I want you to stop reading this article. Well, in a second. Right now, I want you to take a deep inhale and exhale and then come back to reading… I’ll wait.
Great, that might have been the first conscious breath you took today. This breath anchors us back in our body, signaling to our brain we are okay, so it stops the stress response and triggers relaxation. This breath also allows us to take a pause. And in that pause, there is power. It allows us to decide whether we are going to respond to a situation or react. And isn’t it the reactions that get us in trouble? This powerful pause is one of the most important things you can do.
Now, I want you to take that breath again, but this time really observe. See if you notice where the inhale starts and stops, and the little pause before the exhale starts and stops. You’ll find when you do this, you slow down. Go ahead and take a moment to close your eyes and take that slower, more focused breath. This breath is more intentional and again, stops that fight-or-flight response. If you’re able to do nothing else during a stressful situation, this will be enough to help you relax and regain control.
Let’s talk about the here and now for a second before the next technique. So, the key to this stress reduction thing is that stress isn’t the problem.
What?!
I know, it sounds crazy but it’s really not. The reason it’s not the problem is that you can’t control stress. It’s an outside thing. We only have control over our thoughts and responses to that thing. This is where the breath work and other techniques help. They give us the power to make different choices about how we respond to whatever is thrown at us.
Another useful technique is the mini meditation. This is one of my favorites and I’ve taught it around the world. Now, do that breath again and this time on the inhale think, “I am.” And on the exhale think, “at peace.” Repeat over and over. If other thoughts intrude, dismiss them without judgment and return to the breath and the mantra. This can be done anytime, anywhere by anybody.
And as Type A as I am? If I can do it, I know you can. It’s a stressful time but you don’t have to do this alone!