Loneliness: A Social Epidemic

Winter 2024 Issue

By Gary Linker

As we know, loneliness was not uncommon before the pandemic but the intensified isolation and anxiety that came with it hit our society hard and many are just coming out of it. Feeling alone is not unusual for any of us in this situation but there seem to be four specific circumstances where many seniors experience loneliness.

Loss of a spouse or loved one—After many years with a partner, weaving a life together, this loss can feel catastrophic. There is of course pain and a deep sense of loss in this situation, and unfortunately the common tendency to self-isolate in grief makes loneliness even more likely. If one’s life has revolved around one’s partner, there may not be other social connections in place and this can be heightened when family members are geographically or emotionally distant. 

Pro tip: Hospice or other support groups can be a good place to start the healing process and connect with others in a safe environment. Renewing or creating a support system will be beneficial as well as joining service or social clubs.

Moving or Retirement—Such changes bring challenges in adjusting to new situations. Seniors may move to be near children or grandchildren. Especially if the senior has initiated the move, their idealized vision might not be carried out in reality. Adult children may not be ready or willing to incorporate parents into their busy lives. This can be disheartening, with seniors in this situation feeling rejected.

Retirement brings its own set of challenges, with big changes in time management,     relationships, and dailyroutine. For many, identity is tied to their work, and retirement may cause them to feel bored or lost, even question their purpose in life.

Pro tip: Remember that challenge creates opportunity—pursuing existing hobbies or establishing new ones can help seniors find new purpose and expand social circles.

Physical/Medical/Cognitive Changes—Many seniors experience strokes, heart attacks, TIAs, cancer, or dementia, radically changing their lives and resulting in fundamental changes to routine and outlook on life. Frequently in this situation, families will “circle the wagons,” isolating themselves. They may then lose their support systems when no longer able to or interested in maintaining social relationships, the situation compounded if they are without someone who can offer day-to-day support. Lacking a partner, the senior may feel guilt or resentment in having to rely on an adult child or friend.  

Those in this situation can benefit from professional help in looking at their options. With the development of understanding and acceptance, they are in a position for a family member, friend, or counselor to help them determine where they can make social connections and find fulfillment in life such as it is.

 Pro tip: Clubs and churches can be good places to re-engage. This is also a good time for a life review, where the person can take pride in their life accomplishments and psychologically “harvest” positive experiences in their lives.

Depression—Many people who grew up in dysfunctional, neglectful households where they struggled with self-esteem, chaotic relationships, and feelings of rejection and self-hatred experience depression and life-long feelings of alienation. Some will discover their depression is genetically influenced. A psychological evaluation and possibly medication may be the best option, though it can be challenging to find the right medication and dosage.

Pro tip: Talking with a professional or support group can bring new perspective and serve as a corrective emotional experience, often bringing the discovery that one’s self-image has been blurred by childhood trauma and they are indeed valued and loved.

If any of these patterns have befallen you, the most important thing is to take charge of the situation and re-engage in our senior community. There are groups, activities, and programs available where you can meet new people, find your niche, and discover new meaning for your life. If you are not sure where to start, give us a call at 805-898-8080.